The First Assembly of the Disunited Nations

Rome, ever a lover of veritas, can no longer deny that the limits of our vast and glorious empire are somewhat smaller than once they were. Our influence on the world stage, though still considerable, seems ever so slightly to have waned. It is time, we think, to retire to our imperial villa with our dignity intact and choose a successor. ’Twere better to cede dominion graciously than to lose it by force.

Today’s polities, however, are far too vulgar to assume the purple. Candidacy shall therefore be limited to our old friends and comrades in collapse. Delegates of history’s greatest fallen powers shall gather in Rome on Saturday, October 18, 2025, at 5:00 PM for the First Assembly of the Disunited Nations, competing for laurels in trials of wit, glory, and culinary skill.

At the end of the evening, the totals will be reckoned, the victor crowned, and, by our united will, one of our number shall rise again to usher in a new and glorious Age of Man.

  • We appreciate that not everyone shares our affinity for sow’s womb and garum. Accordingly, we invite each delegation to make a culinary contribution to the Assembly’s Banquet of Nations. Laurels will be awarded to the most delectable fare.

  • Delegates will compete for laurels in various trials of wit and cunning.

  • Delegates will argue for preeminence in categories of undeniable historical importance. Delegates may compete in as many or as few categories as they wish. Laurels will be awarded by the casting of lots.

    1. Most Alluring Historical Sovereign

    2. Most Ill-Advised Territorial Expansion

    3. Most Awe-Inspiring Public Works Project

    4. Most Outlandish Religious Ritual

    5. Most Grisly Form of Punishment

    6. Most Puzzling Historical Mystery

    7. Most Commendable Individual Animal

    8. Most Pleasing Written Script (Demonstration Required)

    9. Most Gifted Poet (Recitation Required)

    and, of course,

    10. Best Dressed.